What Creating a “Safe Space” Really Looks Like (and What It Doesn’t)

So many organizations, leaders, and experiences are touting being a “safe space.” But it’s important to be aware. There are many alleged “safe spaces” that are not actually safe for you to share freely. In this post, I’ll walk through what spaces will never be fully safe to speak your truth, regardless of what you may be told, and what a true safe space looks and feels like so you can make better decisions for yourself, regardless of what someone calls the forum or experience.

Not a Safe Space, No Matter What They Say

Let’s get what is not and cannot be a true safe space out of the way - the workplace. If there is a forum or town hall or retreat-like environment that is still part of your work or workplace, it is not and will not be a truly safe space.

In my past work as an employment attorney representing employees harmed in the workplace, there were several instances of employees terminated for speaking freely in these so called “safe spaces” designed to illicit employee feedback. In several particularly troubling cases, employees shared concerns about the workplace during the “safe space” town hall style events that were framed as confidential spaces. Because their concern was not a protected report of a violation of law, it was instead viewed as stirring the pot and creating a negative culture. Employers have and can terminate employees on this basis in an at-will state.

In many ways, a place of employment is a place where in most cases what you share and how you share it can and will be used against you, unless of course you make a protected report of unlawful behavior on the part of your employer. And it can be very difficult for an employee to know the difference between a protected report and what will be perceived as complaining, griping, or gossiping. While an employer may have the best of intentions in attempting to create a safe space for sharing feedback, challenges or other concerns, employees should be aware that it is not truly a safe space in all regards. Caution and discernment are important to protect yourself even if HR or company leaders say anything is on the table for discussion.

Given this reality, employers and leaders should exercise extreme caution in using phrases such as “safe space” or “confidential” because employees will rely on these and in some cases it’s not possible or lawful to not take action on what is shared by an employee. A better approach to conscious leadership is to be transparent that you are soliciting feedback or having candid discussions but that you are still the employer and have legal obligations and you may have an affirmative requirement to take action based on what is shared.

What Is a Safe Space?

With that very big caveat out of the way, there are healing and private spaces that absolutely can create the feeling, intention, and structure of a safe space. But what does that mean?

Typically a safe space is a container, event, or experience is one that emphasizes inclusivity for all. Folks who attend have a sense that they can be themselves and share freely without fear of repercussions or consequences. It feels free of judgment with ample effort and intention put into hearing and learning from various people and perspectives.

So if you are in a position to create a safe space (or want to better understand it), I have important attributes of a safe space to consider below.

• The absence of ADVICE: No one actually wants advice. Resources, sure. Insights from personal experience, maybe. But no one wants to be bright-sided, told how it is, or given advice. Frankly, advice is not helpful. Another person responding with “well this is what I would do” doesn’t apply because they are not you and you are not them. If you want to create or be part of a safe space, avoid ADVICE . Set the intention at the outset that there will be no advice given and see the magic that happens.

• Affirm experiences with active listening & effective communication: Effective communication looks and sounds like this, “I hear you saying XYZ, is that right” or “how does it make you feel” or “what are your ideas for moving forward”. Active listening and affirming someone’s experience and feelings helps the person feel that it’s a safe space to share their heart and feelings from their perspective. At the end of the day, most people simply want to be heard and feel that they are not alone.

• Ask for each participant's intention: Asking ahead of time what your guests or participants are looking to gain ahead of the experience can unlock important clues about what they define as a safe space. Not everyone has the same definition but going out of your way for each person will make a difference. And if the size of the event or experience makes this impractical then it may be important to recognize you may not actually be in or able to curate a truly safe space.

As the concept of a “safe space” infiltrates mainstream culture even more, it’s important to recognize the limitations of it and the key attributes of a truly safe, inclusive, and supportive space for all.